Donnerstag, 5. Januar 2017
Gedanken auf Englisch
im wunderland, 21:12h
Just because I know he will never read this, I can write it down. God I think I´m in trouble... I´m starring at my phone, waiting that he will answer me. I have to laugh about so many things and he is looking so god damn good.
It´s unbelievable, that he talks to me!! To me!! I´m complicated and romantic. I love lovemovies and I cry even if they have an happy end. Although I like him. If I would see him again, I think I could fall in love. I should end it, before he can do it. Because he´s damaged. A girl had destroyed the chance of him to have another relationship. And I don´t want to get hurt that much. I know if he is that true, I expect him to be, I can´t help myself. So should I end this? And cry a little bit or should I wait till I´m totally in love? I tried and couldn´t do it because a little part of me is still hoping, that I´m the one. The one, who can make a different. That he fell in love with me too. That I´m something special.
I always thought someday there is someone who could make it right, without me, who have to say how. But this is a bad dream. This magical kiss and magical sex will never happen. Also I ´m not allowed to believe this guy is true. He can´t be. He´s just a guy, who had too many girls and too much sex, who don´t have to care, if there is one more girl with an orgasm or not.
Well I think he likes me. But I know there will be a wall and I´m not capable to break it. I´m not strong enough. Because I have a wall by my own. I don´t need another one. But it doesn´t matter, because he don´t even know, that I have one. How I feel. I told him so many uninteresting things, but he´s not interested in those things, which are my soul.
There are so many ways to get hurt, so many possibilities. Am I really ready to let him hurt me? Because he will and I know that. And he knows that too. But we didn´t care, so he will hurt me. But he will survive. Will have more women and more sex. But it´s me, who have to take the sharps and make something new. Thank you.
It´s really good to write those things down. Now I should remember, why I should end this chat with him and why I should never start it again. Pain. Love. But pain.
It´s unbelievable, that he talks to me!! To me!! I´m complicated and romantic. I love lovemovies and I cry even if they have an happy end. Although I like him. If I would see him again, I think I could fall in love. I should end it, before he can do it. Because he´s damaged. A girl had destroyed the chance of him to have another relationship. And I don´t want to get hurt that much. I know if he is that true, I expect him to be, I can´t help myself. So should I end this? And cry a little bit or should I wait till I´m totally in love? I tried and couldn´t do it because a little part of me is still hoping, that I´m the one. The one, who can make a different. That he fell in love with me too. That I´m something special.
I always thought someday there is someone who could make it right, without me, who have to say how. But this is a bad dream. This magical kiss and magical sex will never happen. Also I ´m not allowed to believe this guy is true. He can´t be. He´s just a guy, who had too many girls and too much sex, who don´t have to care, if there is one more girl with an orgasm or not.
Well I think he likes me. But I know there will be a wall and I´m not capable to break it. I´m not strong enough. Because I have a wall by my own. I don´t need another one. But it doesn´t matter, because he don´t even know, that I have one. How I feel. I told him so many uninteresting things, but he´s not interested in those things, which are my soul.
There are so many ways to get hurt, so many possibilities. Am I really ready to let him hurt me? Because he will and I know that. And he knows that too. But we didn´t care, so he will hurt me. But he will survive. Will have more women and more sex. But it´s me, who have to take the sharps and make something new. Thank you.
It´s really good to write those things down. Now I should remember, why I should end this chat with him and why I should never start it again. Pain. Love. But pain.
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